Relationship Lessons for Traveling Together
The sun rising over a Kenyan safari. We’re not normally up this early when we travel!
When I was in high school, I knew that travel was a core value in my life. I decided that I would need to not only live with my future partner before getting married, but also travel with him first. Well, I’m happy to report that I found another third culture kid who loves globetrotting as much as I do. We’ve explored four continents together over ten years so far, but it’s still an evolving process. I know we’ll have an even more nuanced modus operandi after this upcoming extended slow travel.
Leveraging Individual Strengths
Ben at the Berlin Wall. He loves history through and through!
As travel partners and spouses, Ben and I each bring our own skills to the table. I think my husband has the number one most useful travel trait between us: a wonderful sense of direction. He makes mental maps and can backtrack expertly. It’s a good thing, too, because we like to explore on foot and hope to walk a lot in Europe. Ben’s brain also picks up languages quickly and he speaks German and French. I admire how he’s not afraid to try new things and loves to connect with people. When we’re in a new place, Ben likes to seek out historical sites, tours, or museums and he loves a waterfront view. He is the energy monitor: diligent about keeping the car around a half tank and always carrying a portable battery pack for our phones.
I just want to be surrounded by beautiful things, like these crepe myrtles in Virginia.
What do I bring to the table while we’re on the road? Super detailed planning and preparation come easily to me. I research extensively, carry notes with options and back-ups, and have a decent memory. I also play a solid game of Suitcase Tetris. And yes, I’m attempting to brush up on my high school Spanish. Capturing memories is important to me, so I naturally document everything. I do a lot of photographing and journaling, and now I blog! I’m working on my sketching and watercoloring, two skills I taught myself last summer, so that I can document trips through those media too. I seek out art museums, botanical gardens, and park picnics. I’m the one who is slightly more conscious of budgeting our spending.
Staying on the Same Page
Ben and I have many complementary skills that would help us be an unstoppable team on The Amazing Race (we’ve mostly but not completely given up on this idea). But we have even more in common, which I think is the key to relationship travel harmony. Our styles and interests are aligned: we’re neither shoestring budgeters nor seekers of luxury. We don’t jam-pack our agendas and we don’t spend late nights out (except for occasional salsa dancing). We try to avoid busy, touristy sight-seeing spots and like to wander and take public transportation. We love eating street food and from open-air markets or local holes-in-the-wall. In a new destination, we discuss our priorities for the trip and agree upon a short list of activities. We decide what we’re fine skipping and check in often in our best attempt to be flexible.
Alone Time and Downtime
We’ve visited 15 National Parks together, including the iconic Arches National Park in Utah!
Despite our compatibility, we’ll also plan little breaks apart from each other while abroad. Individual well-being is a big part of marital well-being! COVID-19 shut us into a tiny space for longer stretches than ever before. So, we now know for sure that it’s possible - but not ideal - to co-exist so closely. We are going to make opportunities for solo outings or quiet alone time over the next six months.
As two introverts, we’ve also learned to schedule plenty of downtime. We accept that our sense of stability and homebody tendencies will be challenged. Our three-week road trip from Colorado to Virginia just reminded us of this. Ben and I drove through 16 states and visited 12 sets of family and friends. We were on the move every 2-3 days for the better part of a month. It was fun and exciting, and we relished every minute reconnecting with familiar faces. But, it was a lot of socializing in a short amount of time and we rarely had our own space or a chance to do nothing. We began to experience the burnout of fast travel that we want to avoid while in Europe.
Emotional Counterbalance
This July we stopped through Rapid City, SD. We spotted Thomas Jefferson, the founder of the University of Virginia - where we met in college!
Finally, here is our number one most important travel lesson so far. It’s also one of our top five general relationship lessons: we take turns being stressed out. If one of us feels worried, irritated, or anxious, then the other plays the role of grounding, supporting, and putting things into perspective. Transit days from one location to another seem to be when this comes up the most. Whether it was losing a wallet in New York City, missing a train in Berlin, or just feeling hangry (the sneakiest but most common stressor of all), I don’t think we’ve ever both freaked out at the same time. It’s essential to take turns being the rock.
Overall we travel well together because we are mindful of each other and realistic in our expectations. Our adventures stretch, challenge, and strengthen our marriage. In six months I hope to have all new insights from our cultural immersion. In the meantime, we welcome any tips about traveling well short- or long-term with a partner!